Fan Girls Mai Hime Edition
by cheemander
Summary: Chianne Ukata, the reporter. Bobby Belmont, the cameraman. The two braves soul willing enough to bring you inside a fan girl's head, to find out what makes them tick. From calm Takumi lovers, to dangerous Shizuru followers... Join them on their journey!
1. Natsuki

The girl adjusted her hair as she looked into the camera.

"Are you ready?" She said quietly.

The cameraman nodded and flicked on the camera…

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"Hello! I'm Chianne Ukata, and I'm here to take you through the fascinating world of fan girls, Mai-HiME edition!" She motioned to the large building behind her.

"The anime convention is in town, and they just so happen to have it themed this year, and I'm sure you can guess what it is…me and my cameraman, Bobby Belmont, are willing to risk our lives and reputations to bring you the true story of what really makes them tick…"

She starts walking towards the building, visibly nervous…

XXXXXXX

Chianne smiled at the camera. "Okay! We're going to work our way up, from, mild, to you might pee your pants because they're so scary. We'll start off with…" She looked around.

"Natsuki fan girls! That's not too bad." She grinned and straightened out her dark hair again and walked over to the group of girls leaning on the wall.

"Hello, I'm Chianne Ukata, and as a few of you may know, I'm a very famous reporter/biography maker."

"…"

"I've been on T.V before?"

"…"

"I had a straight to DVD documentary?"

"…"

"I like Natsuki." She said glumly.

"Cool." The first girl with long black hair dead-panned.

Chianne narrowed her eyes. "Do you guys do ANYTHING except stand here and act like you're all cool beans?"

The six girls started laughing. "We do, and who the fuck says cool beans?"

The reporter glared at them. "I DO, MAYBE IT ISN'T IN THE RIGHT CONTEXT, BUT FUCK YOU GUYS."

Another girl with cropped black hair and blue streaks raised her brow.

"She's not as dumb as we thought. I say we give her an interview or whatever the fuck she wants."

"No…well, wait. If it can actually give me information, other than you, leaning against the damn wall or sitting on your asses, which would be great."

The girl nodded and went off into a small room with the reporter.

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Chianne: So, what do you like about Natsuki?

Natsuki fan girl: She's hardcore, and tough as nails, and knows what she wants.

Chianne: Are you a fan of Shiznat?

Natsuki fan girl: No.

Chianne: WHAAAAT!?

Natsuki fan girl: Kidding…by the way, my name's Rachel.

Chianne: oh…good. But the real question is, Kruger or Kuga?

Rachel: Err; I'll have to say, Kuga. Kruger was a bit more of a softie, and even though we all like Otome…HiME completed our lives.

Chianne: That's kind of creepy…but I'm not judging.

Rachel: You have a secret obsession, don't you?

Chianne: (Twitch) Yes…

Rachel: Thought so…

Chianne: (Cough) So, do you like mayo, dogs, and motorcycles?

Rachel: I'm a fan girl, not her clone, you loser.

Chianne: It was worth a shot…

Rachel: Anything else you need to know?

Chianne: Yes…can I classify Natsuki fan girls as mild, or effing scary?

Rachel: Mild, we don't do much unless pissed off.

Chianne: I'll keep that in mind…

XXXXXXX

Chianne and the girl stepped out of the room, and Chianne noticed the first girl that was talking to her, blushing, while talking to another girl. Rachel snorted.

"Our leader, Paige, she may seem tough as nails, and don't get me wrong, she is. But, she has a huge crush on the Shizuru fan girl, Ana."

Chianne's eyes widened, she grabbed the camera's lens violently and pointed it towards Paige and Ana.

"GOLD! REAL LIFE SHIZNAT! FREAKING DIAMONDS!"

Paige kept blushing while Ana had a grin on her face, obviously teasing her.

Chianne smiled widely, and then turned to Bobby. "God, I hope she doesn't have a southern accent…" she muttered under breath.

Bobby rolled his eyes. "As bad as that is, get over it. That's all you whine about."

Chianne shuddered as she felt a chill go down her spine.

Bobby turned the camera off and stretched his arms out. "What group do you think we should go after next?"

His partner rubbed her chin thoughtfully. "Hm…I've got it! Nao fan girls, dead ahead!"

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Chianne and Bobby go to investigate Nao fan girls. Are they really whores, like everyone says? Will they make it out, with their wallets, and virginity intact? Stay tuned, and find out next time, on "Fan girls: Mai-HiME edition."!


	2. Nao

"Bobby…I don't want to die." He shivered a bit as he took a drink of water.

"We're not gonna die…they aren't actually her…"

"I can hear the fear in your voice. Don't fail me now!" She slapped him hard on the back; he was trying his best not to wince in pain.

"Fail you? You're the one who's about to cry!" He pointed out, which was kind of true.

"Whatever…just turn on the damn camera."

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"Chianne again! And we're here to bring you what we believe to be the shiftiest of the fan girls, Nao's! Please, don't turn off your T.V or computer screen, because this is about to get interesting, folks!"

She looked around and scratched her head. "Bobby, I can't find any. They're usually in schools, or packs, like fish, or lions."

He shrugged. "I don't see any pack either. Do you think they all left early to go find some perverted men to beat up?"

"Have to try to remember, they aren't clones…"

She looked around some more, and even checked the different rooms. Until a short, lanky girl with red dyed hair came up to them. Chianne bent down to be on her level.

"I'm sorry little girl, are you lost? Did your mommy get drunk with her boyfriend and leave you behind at an anime convention because; she knew that's what you liked?"

"What in all the depths of hell, are you talking about?"

"She's living out her childhood scarring through you…give it a moment."

Chianne took a deep breath, and then turned back to the girl.

"I'm sorry, but do you know where the Nao fan girls are?"

The girl tapped her chin. "Maybe…it all depends on how much you have."

"How much I have? I AM NOT PAYING YOU!"

"Then I guess you don't want to find the Nao fan girls…"

Chianne clenched her fist. "How much do you want?"

"One hundred."

"ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS!?

"Two hundred."

"NO WAY IN HELL!"

"Two hundred and twenty five, that's my final offer."

Chianne looked at the girl, and then back at Bobby.

"Bobby? Can I borrow two hundred dollars?"

He let out a low growl sound and handed her his wallet. She pulled out the two hundred from his wallet, then twenty five from hers and handed it to the girl.

"Good…it was nice doing business with you." She started to walk away until Chianne yanked on her shoulder.

"WAIT A DAMN MINUTE; YOU SAID YOU WOULD TAKE US TO THEM!"

"I said that? Ha ha."

"Yes you did…and after paying that large sum of money, from mostly Bobby's wallet, I would very much enjoy it if I was taken to Nao fan girls."

"And I would very much like it, if I had a little more money. My feelings have been hurt by you yelling at me…"

"…."

Bobby gulped. "Chianne?"

She was silent as she looked at the girl.

"Twenty five more dollars, AND THEN, you take us."

"Deal."

Chianne pulled out twenty five more dollars and handed it to her.

The girl put the money into her pocket, and just stood there, staring at both of them.

The reporter looked exasperated as she threw her arms up in the air.

"WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT!?"

The girl shrugged. "You got your money's worth. What more do YOU want?"

Chianne scrunched up her face, trying to think.

"Uh, what?"

"I'm a Nao fan girl. I'm standing right here; you got your money's worth."

"You mean to tell me…I spent two hundred and fifty dollars, and one was right here all along?"

The girl nodded. "Simple as that."

Chianne looked at Bobby blankly, and then fell on the ground flailing.

"I GIVE UP. I DO NOT CARE IF I HAVE TO LIVE IN A CARDBOARD BOX MY WHOLE LIFE, AS LONG AS I NEVER COME IN CONTACT WITH ANOTHER NAO FAN GIRL AGAIN!"

Bobby sighed and shook his head sadly, sometimes his partner could act like a major child, and it could be really embarrassing most of the time.

Chianne finally calmed down and stood up, she dusted herself off. That was until another girl came up to her.

"I'm really sorry about her. She just does that for the money, I could show you where the real Nao fan girls are for a very smaller fee."

The reporter smiled. "Thanks! That would be-"

Bobby's eyes widened as he grabbed Chianne's arm and ran.

XXXXXXX

He set down the turned off camera. "If I learned one thing about Nao fan girls, it's that they're really smart and devious."

Chianne huffed and took a white stick out of a package and put it between her teeth.

"CHIANNE! YOU AREN'T OLD ENOUGH TO SMOKE!" He smacked the cigarette out of her mouth as she looked at him, bewildered.

"Jesus Christ, it's candy for God's sake…"

"Oh...Uh, well…who do we go after next?"

"Hm…Reito, let's go with Reito…"

XXXXXXX

The two go after Reito Kanzaki fan girls next. Could this mean trouble for the already troubled partners in crime? Will they survive the wrath of the Obsidian Lord's followers? Find out on the next segment of "Fan Girls: Mai-HiME edition."!


	3. Reito

Chianne cracked her neck. "Okay kiddies, its show time. Bobby, you done peeing your pants?"

Bobby glared at her. "Meanie."

"Baby."

"OKAY, TIME TO GET ROLLING."

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"It's Chianne Ukata, here for part 3 of our marvelous journey into the world of My-HiME fan girls! We are currently attempting to find Reito fan girls!"

She proudly puffed out her chest and marched in the direction of a couple of fan girls with a Reito t-shirt.

"Hello ladies…I was wondering if you would like to be part of this great biography type thing…"

One of the girls with long blonde hair stood up. "I'm sure that would be lovely…My name is Marie. What would you like to know?"

"Well, for starters, what do you like about Reito? Dislike? What drew you to him?"

"He was a very charming man. Neh? He was sweet, and kind and even kind of fell in love…"

"I see. What are your thoughts on the Reito/Mai/Tate/Shiho love thingy?"

Chianne thought she heard a few girls whisper, "Ew…", but ignored it.

"It was very sad to see Reito end up in the losing corner. But, it was Mai's fault."

The reporter scratched her head curiously. Shouldn't they hate Tate? Not Mai. He loved Mai. So…what was the deal?

"Eh? Beg your pardon?"

"Excuse me, but we aren't blind. We saw that Mai stole Tate away from Reito. It was obvious all along that Reito was in love with Tate! He only went after Mai because he was possessed by a straight entity…but of course he is forgiven for that."

"Okay then…one question. Are you nuts? The only two people that loved Tate were Mai and Shiho. It's NOT canon."

The girl smiled deviously, pulling out her mental ammo. "Neither is Shiznat."

The reporter gave her a glare, that if looks could kill, Marie would have dropped dead right there.

"You…you take that back! And…what gave away that I liked Shiznat?"

"You're wearing a button with Shizuru glomping Natsuki, a headband that says (_Shizuru + Natsuki love forever!),_ and I mean, come on, you're wearing a shirt with both of them on it."

Chianne pouted. "They were on sale…"

Bobby slapped his forehead and gave a sympathetic look to Marie. "Welcome to the world of Miss vague…"

"Well, Shiznat is the greatest…deal with it, losers…"

Fear suddenly struck Chianne as she saw the glint in the other girl's eyes at her words.

"I didn't mean it! I'm sorry!" She apologized, but with no success. The other girl pulled out a fake plastic sword.

"THE OBSIDIAN LORD WILL RISE AGAIN!" Marie shouted raising the sword above her head. Chianne blinked.

"Eh?" But didn't have a chance to say much else as she was hit with the sword on the top of her head. "Ow! What are you doing!?"

She started flailing about as the girl continued beating her over the head with the plastic sword. She noticed Bobby snickering in the corner, while simultaneously flirting with one of the fan girls. The reporter finally grabbed the sword and pulled it out of Marie's hands.

The other fan girls just sat in the back fearfully, most likely because of Marie, and the fear she instilled into their hearts.

"Listen, crazy yet kind of hot lady…don't try that again, or you'll find out how it was to be obliterated by the HiME…very painful. Okay?"

Marie muttered something under her breath and then slowly nodded. Chianne reluctantly handed her back the sword, grabbed Bobby by the sleeve, and gritted her teeth.

"Why didn't you help me?"

"I was too busy flirting…and anyway, you called me a baby earlier."

"Oi…"

XXXXXXX

"Bobby, you know what I realized?"

"Hm?"

"The Reito fan girls are as crazy, as they are crazy."

"That adds to double the crazy…"

"Precisely…well, what group do we tackle next?"

Chianne scratched her chin. "Yukino? Shizuru? Mikoto...Haruka. We go after Haruka."

Bobby laughed. "What fan girls?"

Chianne joined in on the chuckling and then sighed.

Bobby cleared his throat. "Seriously now, what fan girls?"

XXXXXXX

They decide to tackle Haruka's fan girls. Will they find any? Will they bore themselves to death looking for some? Find out, on the next installment of "Fan girls: Mai-HiME edition."!


	4. Haruka

Bobby gave a nervous glance around, as usual…

"Chianne, I don't want to fail. I mean, do they even exist? Is it possible? I mean, there was fan service in one of the specials on the DVD of Haruka. But when did she get fans to service!?"

"Bobby, calm down. As much as I don't like her for crossing A VERY FINE LINE…with slapping Shizuru, there still has to be someone out there who likes her. Anything is possible…"

XXXXXXXX

Chianne looked into the camera. "We're back! With a brand new challenge! We're off to find Haruka fans. Do they exist? Are people really crazy? You know…what about yetis? Nobody has ever proved that yetis were real…"

"Uh, Chianne…"

"Oh right! Back on topic! We're off to find Haruka fans!"

Chianne tugged Bobby's sleeve and started wandering around.

"Hey, you! Are you Haruka fans?"

The two girls raised their brows. "We just talked to you…"

"You…did?"

"Paige and Rachel, Natsuki fan girls. Please leave…"

"Okay…" She walked away looking around the place.

"Chianne, do you think we should give up?"

"We've only been searching for five minutes, and don't say that just because you're hungry!"

Bobby moaned and rubbed his stomach.

XXXXXXXX

Chianne sat down at the table, quickly eating the burger she had just ordered. They had looked for half an hour, but to no luck.

"Bobby, we need to buckle down, we have to put this installment in. Or the people at the top that give us the little funding we have will cancel us!"

Bobby stuffed a couple fries into his mouth. "Mmf, I know…"

The reporter slammed her fist down onto the table. "We WILL find them, no matter how much work it takes."

XXXXXXX

Chianne breathed in deeply before pumping her fist madly into the air.

"We have found them! We have succeeded! We are VICTORIOUS!"

Bobby nodded. "Yep, and we might even get paid for this one day…"

Chianne waved her hand at the small group of girls standing next to her. "These, are the Haruka fan girls. Jane, Haley, and Lily."

The girls weren't really paying attention, one of them grumbling about something, and the other two arguing with each other.

"COULD YOU THREE LOOK INTO THE CAMERA AND SMILE FOR FIVE SECONDS?"

The three girl's attention was jerked to the now yelling reporter.

"Delinquent! How dare you demand that we do something for your own personal gain!"

The reporter's back straightened as she stood up with less slouch.

"Are you…going Haruka on me?"

The other girl shook her fist. "Are you insulting us? Haruka has given us our courage, our ability to be strong, independent women! And what has the world given you? The chance to be a second rate reporter?"

Jane nodded. "We have the drive to do whatever we want! I mean, we even have our own executive committee! Stop being so…bumbling…"

Chianne gave a death glare to Jane. "Don't reference the English dub. Woman, you're beginning to grind my gears."

Haley growled. "Bubuzuke! And normally, we only reserve that for Shizuru fan girls. You madam, have crossed a line with us."

The last girl gave the reporter a stern look. "Chianne, you need to get out there! Even though Haley's words were a little harsh. She's right. You need to get out there! Get a real job! Be the best you can be!"

Chianne stared at Lily intently. "You know what? You're right! I need to get a real job! Bobby, I quit!" She put down her microphone and bolted out of the building with Jane, Haley, and Lily cheering her on.

XXXXXXXX

Bobby turned the camera back on and looked into it. "Well, we learned a few things about Haruka fans. Even though few are in existence, they are dedicated and hardworking. Plus, a little mean…But hey, they can get the laziest of bums to get a job. So, they are kind of cool."

He sighed and shook his head momentarily. "But for now…I'm without my reporter. But, I have a job to do…and this time, I'm after Takumi fan girls…."

XXXXXXXX

Gasp! A new twist of events! Chianne ran off to find a real job and left Bobby behind in the dust. Will he be able to get her back? Find out about that (and Takumi fan girls) on the next installment of "Fan girls: Mai-HiME edition."!


	5. Takumi

Bobby flicked on the camera quietly. He had to do this by himself.

XXXXXXX

"Hello, I'm Bobby Belmont. At the moment, I have no reporter! So, I'll be the reporter and cameraman while we go after Takumi fan girls!"

He put the camera on his shoulder and walked towards the area of Takumi fan girls.

"Uh, hi girls. I'm Bobby Belmont reporting for my DVD thingy or something like that…"

One of the girls looked up at him. She had short mousy brown hair.

"Hi…" She seemed quiet, and calm. This wouldn't be so bad! He had no idea what Chianne was always complaining about. Who needed her?

"So…what do you like about Takumi?"

"Uh…he's sweet and cute and…" She was about to keep talking when her head suddenly turned in another direction. She was looking at something else.

"Hey, uh, girl?" Bobby tried poking her, but she stood up and tackled another girl.

Bobby's eyes widened. Where the hell did that come from? What the hell was happening? And WHY were they fighting!? This was not in the job description. NOPE.

He decided to ignore his fear and film it anyway.

"RAH!" The first girl threw a punch and the other countered. This was the best crap he had ever gotten on film! As disturbing as it was…

Another girl jumped into the pile and started kicking and flailing, followed by a couple more…

They rolled around and the floor, fighting and scratching for quite some time. Some people looked on, and then away like it was the norm. Bobby filmed the whole thing. Finally it ended…

Bobby's heart pounded as the first girl stood up and dusted her skirt off. He would finally find out what they were fighting over!

A toy…

A panda bear stuffed animal.

It was adorable.

But…that was it?

"A FREAKING STUFFED ANIMAL!? YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!"

The girl glanced over at him. She gave a wide grin and held the panda up proudly. She had won.

But, really…fighting like that over a stuffed animal? Complete craziness. And NOW, he knew what Chianne was always complaining about.

XXXXXX

"Well, we've found out Takumi fan girls fight over anything cute, and damn…they REALLY fight for it. They aren't as calm as we all thought they were. Misconceptions aplenty. Now that we're done with them…I'll be going after Chie fan girls. Bobby Belmont, signing off!"

XXXXXXX

Still no sign of his reporter. But he's done well. Now that he's off to find Chie fan girls, can he handle the gossip queen lovers? Will he stop caring before said event? Find out next time on, "Fan Girls: Mai-HiME Edition."!

XXXXXXX

**Author's notes: **Sorry for the short chapter, I promise the next one will be longer! And kudos to **Ikezu **for helping me come up with the idea of how Takumi's fan girls would act. AFF out!


End file.
